Marriage is a wonderful union, and ideally, you and your partner will live happily ever after. Unfortunately, we know that this isn’t always the case, and marriage can be hard work! When you commit to a lifelong relationship, you’re certainly going to go through some trying times.
So, though it’s normal to experience marital problems, you may be asking yourself: what do I do to fix them?
You may be familiar with marital counseling and be strongly considering it to help repair the issues in your marriage. Marriage counseling is a great first step to take and can help get your relationship back on track. What happens, then, when your partner refuses to go to counseling with you?
Why People Resist Marital Counseling
Though you may feel frustrated about your partner’s resistance to counseling, there are several reasons why they may do so. They may tell you that your marriage isn’t that bad or that counseling is a waste of time and money. Or, they may express hesitation about telling personal issues to a stranger.
Though you don’t see eye to eye on the issue, it’s still important to be patient and understanding about their reservations. Sure, they may be stubborn more than anything else, but if you press the issue too hard, you’re probably just going to make things worse. Try to give them time to see your perspective and (hopefully!) come around.
Start Going to Counseling Alone
If your partner resists going to marital counseling, consider seeking counseling on your own. Not only can you privately discuss issues in your marriage, but you can also work on yourself, too.
You can express your frustrations about your partner not wanting to come to counseling with you. Your therapist will help you cope with your feelings more effectively. Furthermore, they can give you the advice to bring up the issue with your partner in a way that is less pressing or demanding. When your partner sees how much therapy is helping you cope and improve, they may just be inspired to do the same.
Have a Genuine, Open Conversations
If marriage counseling is something that is important to you, express this sentiment to your partner as genuinely as possible. Instead of focusing on convincing them to come, shift the focus. Share the reasons why you feel so strongly about therapy. Explain the benefits that you get from such guidance.
Express how much you love your partner and how you want to get to a better place in your marriage. Hopefully, they’ll hear you out. Maybe then they will be willing to at least give counseling a try.
Suggest Your Partner Has a Solo Session
If your partner fears that a counselor will automatically take your side, then suggest that they first see the counselor in a solo session. By doing so, they’ll have the opportunity to meet your therapist and explain their perspective on your marital issues.
Your partner won’t have to worry about you reacting or questioning what they have to say. Instead, they can speak as openly as they want. Or, they don’t have to open up much at all! You can explain that the choice is solely theirs — but hopefully, after a lone session, they’ll feel more comfortable with the idea of marital counseling.
Don’t Lose Hope
You may feel frustrated and worried if your partner refuses to go to counseling. Remember that you are not alone and that there are ways to get through to your partner. As long as you keep going to counseling alone, you can use that as a means of expressing your fears and frustrations. Try to remain positive and calm around your partner, and don’t get upset with them for not going to counseling. Give it some time and come back to the issue; if they’re still refusing after several months, then you can start thinking more seriously about the next step.
Finally, consult with your therapist about what to do and how to cope with your emotions. Even if your partner won’t go to counseling with you now, it doesn’t mean they never will. Stay positive and keep moving forward — eventually, your partner will see how well you’re doing and will likely want to do the same! Please reach out for a private consultation and more specific support here.